In episode 37 of The Real Talk, Raquel Ramirez interviews Reina Encio, a therapist, as they discuss the power of therapy, finding joy in life, and the importance of learning from experiences. Reina shares her expertise as a marriage and family therapist, offering practical advice and heartwarming stories.
Tune in to discover the transformative power of therapy and the beauty of embracing life's challenges.
TIMESTAMPS
[00:03:04] How Reina Encio Saved My Life.
[00:06:31] Untangling Thoughts in Therapy.
[00:07:43] A Life-Changing Encounter.
[00:13:24] Therapist's Unique Counseling Approach.
[00:18:02] Importance of Session Length.
[00:24:18] Connecting with your Inner Child.
[00:33:40] Living in the Present.
[00:37:46] Learning and Growing in Life.
[00:44:19] Love and Relationship Dynamics.
[00:47:37] Chemistry of Relationships.
[00:52:00] Thought-Provoking Monk River Story.
[00:55:34] Seeking Therapy Proactively.
[00:59:13] Therapy and Strong Cient-Therapist Bond.
In this episode, Raquel Ramirez and Reina Encio emphasize the importance of finding joy, being grateful, and showing love in our daily lives. Reina believes that these qualities can make a significant difference in how we perceive and experience life.
Additionally, Raquel and Reina discuss the concept of learning from experiences and relationships. By being present in the moment, individuals can learn from their interactions, whether positive or challenging. Learning from each experience and relationship contributes to personal growth and understanding. The idea of learning from every situation, whether a win or a lesson, reinforces the importance of being present and open to new insights.
QUOTES
SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS
Raquel Ramirez
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/featured_properties_intl/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/featuredre
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/raquel-ramirez/
Reina Encio
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reina.encio/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reina-encio-732465ab/
WEBSITES:
The Real Talk: https://www.therealtalkpodcast.net/
Featured Properties International: https://msha.ke/featuredre
Life Is Beautiful Counseling Center: https://www.reinalifeisbeautiful.com/
Welcome to The Real Talk. I'm Raquel Ramirez, your host and real estate professional here to bring you insightful conversations, expert advice, and powerful stories about what really goes on in life, love, divorce, and real estate. Are you ready? Let's get real. Hello and welcome to The Real Talk podcast. How are you doing today?
Raquel Ramirez
Oh, fantastic. With you is fantastic.
Reina Encio
This is a very, very, very important day for me to be able to have you on my podcast. For those who are tuning in, I have the distinct pleasure of welcoming my very own therapist, somebody whom I call a friend, somebody who's been instrumental in my life in being able to move forward from two of the most difficult things that I've ever endured in my life. And before I get into that, I will introduce her properly. Her name is Reyna Encio. She is a marriage and family therapist and the name of her company, believe it or not, is Life is Beautiful, which may sound a little kitschy to some people, but it's a lot more meaningful if you ever knew her, what that company actually really means. So the goal, of course, is how to make the best of your life so that life can seem beautiful to you. And just to give you a little background, Reyna Encio has been in the mental health field for over 25 years. She earned her master degree in marriage and family therapy. She has been a licensed mental health counselor in Florida, as well as a national certified counselor for over 17 years. She is also a certified hypnotherapist, sexologist, rapid resolution therapist, and supervisor for both mental health counseling and marriage and family therapy. She's approved to work as an MFLC. She was approved to work as an MFLC since July 2011. And she has an extensive spectrum of work experience actually with at-risk families and children in her private practice and as a contractor in English and Spanish. She works with children, individuals, couples, and And families of course dealing with life transitional issues, loss and grief, life threatening illnesses, workplace and school related concerns, and really all manner of things. She also does presentations to different organizations and television shows about team building family and couples. And she actually had a long tour of duty, actually, as a joint personal effect depot. And she's actually been all over the country, which is wonderful, helping all kinds of children and families across the seas. She considers an honor to work as a mental health professional and as a military family life counselor. And I don't want to make this too long and drawn out, but that is her professional bio. But I'm going to give you a little bit of background as to what I think of her. Reina Encio saved my life more than once. That is to say that in those moments when I endured some of life's hardest blows, she helped me stand back up, recover and thrive beyond my pain and suffering. I've experienced heavy losses, made incredibly difficult decisions, and faced old demons, and I've managed to stand tall time and time again because of Reyna. She's held my hand and offered me her undivided attention and understanding heart in a way that has always made me feel safe. She's poured her deep knowledge and experience into every session I've ever had and felt her passion for healing wrap around my own heart. She is unique and proffering easy to understand examples for practical living and always extends a warm and comforting smile that exudes much love and light. I will admit that in her absence I have sought counsel from highly recommended professionals and never ever felt a connection anywhere near as strong as I did and still do with her. No one has ever listened to me as intently, offered me homework, or even tried to soothe me in times of crisis. That is something very important in therapy, something Reyna always seeks to accomplish before you conclude your session. I can always hear her words in my mind, especially when she says, how would you like to feel when you leave here today? Honestly, I've learned, I've healed, and I've grown so much since I met her. And simply, I cannot recommend her enough. I can say with certainty, I would not be here if it wasn't for her. Those are words that I wrote to you. I don't know if you remember. But it's true. I remember you reached out to me to ask if I had any time to maybe write a recommendation, a letter of recommendation. I'm not really sure what you needed it for at this point, but it came to me immediately. It was for your webpage. It came to me immediately. I said, how could I not? And honestly, I think that those words, pale in comparison to what my heart really feels in gratitude to you. So this is a very unique opportunity for me. I hope that those tuning in understand how powerful this is and could be if they're willing to listen and to get to know you a little bit. So thank you for joining me. All right, so let's get right into it. Let's talk about something, anything. I know that we don't necessarily have a script or an outline for today's conversation, but in truth, I mean, we're here to talk about how to make life easier, how life can be beautiful if we just take a step back to assess our situation, to maybe talk to somebody like you that helps us unravel, right? Or how you used to tell me, untangle all those thoughts that come in like a big, giant knot, right? And it's true because some people have this misconception that you go to therapy for answers. Well, yes and no. The therapist doesn't give you an answer necessarily. Your answer is very unique to you, but you usually go to a therapist's office and you have all of these ideas and all these feelings, and they're just this giant knot. And your job, if you will, and correct me if I'm wrong, is to help you dissolve that knot so that you can see and feel better and see more clearly so that then you can make decisions that fall in line with your goals.
Raquel Ramirez
Definitely. And one of the things that I mention sometimes when a person cannot find their way out is that if we have the newspaper right here, we can read it. But the therapist put it in a place where you can see the solution, your own solution, and then you decide what to do and how to do it. So that's that's more or less our goal is that the person will find their way out.
That's right. Exactly. It's like you said, if you have a map right up against your nose, you can't see it. It's not humanly possible to look at something that's directly in front of you within an inch of your face. You can't see it clearly. But if you just take a step back or you move that just far enough where your eyesight can really hone in and look at those details and see it and read it and clearly, then you have a chance to look through that and say, I want to make a left, I want to make a right, I want to keep moving forward, or whatever the situation might be. It's absolutely true. And I know, personally speaking, right, I've endured a lot of loss, you know this better than anyone else. And my first visit to your office was because I had lost my family. I lost my parents. And For the audience, right, I'll say, I remember when I first met you that I was a zombie. I was not in a good place. And I walked into someone's home and you were there. And I guess my mom had spoken a lot about me and the person who you were visiting, whom obviously we both knew, said, oh my goodness, I don't know if you've ever met her, but this is Julie's daughter. And you came to me with this, I don't even know how to explain it, but you had a certain glow about you and your eyes just shone and you looked at me and you said, I knew your mom. And you said some really nice things about her. But it's true. And I was in a bad place, but even then I remember thinking you had this piece about you and you gave me your business card and you said, whenever you want to use it, if you ever want to use it. No pressure, no expectation, nothing. And I don't know if I ever told you this, but I took your business card and I put it in my purse. And the minute I got home, I took it out and I put it in my nightstand, the top drawer of my nightstand, something I never do because I get hundreds of business cards every week. And many of them, I hate to say, you throw away. Right? People sometimes you meet, you don't necessarily think you're going to connect with them. You throw them away or you put them in your desk. You put them in a pile, maybe to look at eventually. But I took your business card and I put, I tucked it right in the inside of my nightstand. And I can't even tell you what, I presume it's because I felt I was going to need it one day. Fast forward, I don't know, like a year maybe? And I remember I was getting ready to move from my house. My ex-husband and I were moving to the Gables. And my first instinct when we decided to move was I need to go get that business card and I need to put it somewhere safe because I thought in the move and packing and stuff, I was going to lose it. And I was afraid to lose it. So I went the very first thing I did is that I went to get drawer. I picked up that business card. I put it in my wallet right with my cards. When I moved, it's true. This is all true. We moved to the Gables. And I would say I don't think it was two months. I think it was about two months, give or take. I parked in front of the Barnes and Noble Miracle Mile. And when I got out of the car, I thought I was drowning, drowning. I thought I was in a glass of water and I couldn't breathe. And right then and there, I said, I need to call this person. And I reached into my wallet and I pulled out your card and I called you and I left you a message. And I said, I don't know if you remember me, but I have your business card. I'm Julie's daughter and I really need to speak with you. And within 15 minutes, you had called me back. We set an appointment and my life was never the same. Wow.
I'm very happy that I was able to help you. And it has been I love helping. I love therapy. And when I see the results, it makes me feel like I'm in the right place. I definitely enjoy what I do. I'm always studying because I think that this is a profession that you always need to keep yourself updated and I think it's fantastic to have someone like you telling me all these beautiful things.
Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I've learned so much and I've healed so much and I've grown so much. I don't even know. I don't know how to quantify really the leaps, the distance that I've gone since I started a therapy with you. And, you know, I don't do therapy every single day. I don't do it every single week or every single month. No. But you very well know that when I started with you, it was weekly and sometimes twice a week because it was, I needed, I felt I needed intense therapy. I wanted to be there and I was getting so much out of each and every one of my sessions that I couldn't wait until the next one. And one of the things that I loved about our, actually, I'm going to mention two things, and maybe you can go into that and I'll give you the time to talk about it, is two things that makes a huge difference, I think, in our therapy sessions and the way that you give therapy. Because before you, I had tried, you know, in my youth, a couple of therapists, and they were awful. After you, when I wasn't able to see you a couple of times, someone recommended, oh, you should really see this is a fantastic person. I said, OK, I'll try. Maybe I'll go awful, awful. I mean, not even. It's not, I can't even say remotely close. I mean, two opposite ends of the spectrum, horrible. And so I've had the experience, right, of sitting in session, if you will, with other professionals. They may be wonderful humans. They may have done excellent in psychology school, whatever. But these two things make a huge difference. One, are relatable examples. You make it very easy to understand how to draw conclusions as opposed to giving somebody, and I consider myself a relatively intelligent person. I may not be an Einstein, but I consider myself relatively intelligent. And I'm able to have a conversation, you know, where we can talk about difficult things and brush on those topics, you know, in an intellectual level. You provide very easy examples. You've read a lot, you study a lot, so you have a lot of resources to pick and choose from. And so you always bring such great examples to the mix to say, well, it's like this. you know, if you had this situation, you did this and you did that, you know, what would you assume the outcome would be? And then it would be very easy for someone in a, let's say, crisis to draw a conclusion from that because they're not digging into themselves. They're talking about putting a square peg in a square hole or a round peg in a round hole. It's it's obvious. And so those things really, I think, They really push that development forward. They almost accelerate the process of healing and understanding forward. And the second thing is homework. I love homework because homework allows you to take what you learn in your school setting or in your educational setting and really apply it. It gives you the opportunity to take it with you so that you don't leave it in your classroom or in your educational setting. It gives you the opportunity to really work through that. you know, continue to hammer it down until you understand it or until you feel comfortable with that information. And that I think is brilliant. I think it's what makes, aside from your personality and the amount of love and joy and happiness that you bring into even the most difficult conversations, is your ability to accelerate almost your your therapy sessions. So tell us then I know I'm talking a lot, but I feel like I have so much to say about you that it's like I can't. But tell us then how you feel or anything you want to tell us about your your style of therapy and how you were able to come up with these things to help people.
You know, one of the things that I learned when I was working for a clinic is that they give you 45 minutes. But in reality, 45 minutes is when you start warming up to open up. So by the time the person is ready to open, you have to close. So that's one of the reasons that I decided that I wanted to be in my private practice. So the least I've been in session is one hour, and the most I've been is eight hours. Because in reality, sometimes you need to clean, you need to go through a lot of steps to be able to grab whatever is going on in there. yeah so that was one of the reasons that I decided I want to spend the time that I want with each client and then I know it makes a huge difference sometimes you don't have to to see me two or three times because now And nowadays we have a lot of resources. Like, for example, we have rapid resolution therapy, which is one bang, bang, and that's it. Right. Or if you have addiction, any addiction, like smoking, heroin, alcohol, we work one or two sessions and that's it. Rapid resolution therapy. And it's amazing. It is amazing. I've heard wonderful things. With chemotherapy, the same thing. So I think it's worth spending the time that the person needs that day. And sometimes the person can work a lot, sometimes not. But I think that was something that made a big difference.
Huge, huge. And I can tell you also that I've tried the opposite, right? I'll never forget a session I had with someone that I'll never forget it because I felt so awful. It's what you said, it was a 45 minute, it was an hour long session. Of course, they cut you at 45 minutes. And I remember leaving that session feeling 10 times worse. When I hung up, it was actually a Zoom meeting. I think, I don't remember when it was. It was a Zoom conference. And when I closed the Zoom, I fell to the floor to cry. and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. And it was, I was inconsolable. And that was just around Thanksgiving weekend. And because I wasn't able to close that wound, I had one of the worst and one of the most miserable Thanksgiving holidays I have ever endured. Even after my mom had passed away because I was gaping open with no no solution, no closure, no guidance, nothing to help me, even if I couldn't solve the whole issue in the moment, I had no, just no blueprint, nothing to close that momentary opening that I had. And it's because we had to, well, you know, session's over, so we got to move on. Yeah. So I know exactly what that is.
Yeah, it is very important. And also you mentioned about homework. I think at the moment when you are processing the information, you might not have the idea, the whole idea of what you need to do. But I always ask, how do you want to feel when you leave today? Yes. One of the ideas is that you will have at least a goal at the end of this session. Right. How do I want to go and feel? Yes. And then the homework is something that will imprint whatever you have learned and will help you for dissolving or for your resolution to whatever is going on. So I think those things are very important and makes a huge difference.
Huge.
Yeah, I supervise some mental health or marriage and family therapists that they're working for their hours to get the license. And that's one of the things that I recommend is that, you know, try to make sure that when the person leaves, feels like he can accomplish something. And that have enough work when they are by themselves to find the resolution that they're looking for.
Right. No, that is huge. That is huge. And that could be different for everybody. It could be different for different people. And it could be different for every session. I know when you've asked me in the past, how much, you know, how do you want to feel? Sometimes I say, I want to feel happy. And sometimes I want to say, I want to feel at peace. or I want to move on about for something. It could be different depending on what you're processing on in that day. And I, and it is huge and it is huge. And so far from my experience of countless hours that we've been in therapy, because I remember my first therapy, I think it was like six hours. So I do. And my subsequent therapy sessions were, I think on average six hours, but, um, Yes, I remember thinking that we worked towards that. And that gave me a sense of, of what's the word? I don't want to think, I don't want to say power because I don't want to give them a miss, but it gave me a sense of accomplishment of autonomy and accomplishment that I could do something and I could get something that I was responsible for in doing. And I've read most of the books that you've recommended. One of the most, One of the most pivotal ones was Who Moved My Cheese. I love that one. It's a great book. And so for anybody who's never read it, it's a simple book. I don't even know. I think it's like 80 pages. It's a small book, very simple read, but it will change your life. If you're stuck somewhere making a decision or figuring if you should come, go, whatever, it's such a simple book with such a simple message, but it is deeply profound.
And it was that Arthur also have the present. Oh, yes.
I love that book. It's a wonderful book, too. I love to recommend. And I don't know if you know this, but well, he did the Who Moved My Cheese? They have one for children and they have one for teens and they have the standard one for adults, which is fantastic. So obviously I haven't read the children or the teens. I've only read the adults. So I can only imagine that they make it even simpler.
But you know what? Sometimes it helps to read the one for different stages. You know, we have our inside child.
That's right.
And and. it's important that you touch all the levels of you as a person. It's true. Sometimes it helps.
It's true. And I'm glad you brought the idea of the inner child because that's something that I for as attuned as I am to things that are emotionally driven. I'm a very emotional person. I love anything that has to do with psychology and understanding and awareness and things like that. I was not privy to the importance of connecting with your inner child. I actually wasn't even aware of that as a concept, as a very real concept that it is. And you were the one who helped me discover that. And it's interesting when we go into therapy and when we go, when we do certain hypnotic sessions, how we try to connect with the inner child and what a difference it makes when you do find that connection.
I think it, it, it makes a huge difference. And they some people say that you're in the child can make your life excellent, happy, successful as a person, or it can make your life miserable. Yeah. Yeah. And how we connect. Yeah. In your child. And most of the time we some people learn to be very strict, very square about life, about choices, about situations, and they forget that they need to have joy, have fun, look at the world in a different way. In wonder. Explore. Yes. And that's what your inner child is there when you allow yourself to go and explore and enjoy and look at the surroundings
It makes a huge difference. It does. It does. I remember we did some work with that. And it's actually, and I don't know if it happens with everyone, but I know it was almost immediate with me when I did finally foster that connection. And I did realize that I needed to work with her, meaning my younger version, my younger self, and what a difference it made the minute I gave her permission to have fun. And I don't know when or why that happens that I'm sure it could be different for each and every one of us. I know trauma has something big to do with that. And, but once you're able to foster that relationship, rekindle that relationship with who you were as a child and give yourself the right permissions and the right authority, let's say to let loose, it makes a difference almost instantaneous in your day. Mm hmm. It does. It's wonderful. It's wonderful. Now, of course, I've processed a lot of very heavy things. I've processed loss because I've had a lot of that. And that was incredibly impactful in my life. I went to a very, very dark place. And of course, my divorce, which is a big a big thing for me. It was a very difficult decision, as you well recall. And it was a decision that has carried me for many years because it's something that I've had to process from a variety of angles. And it's also what sort of let me here, right? Because without my divorce, I wouldn't be with my new family and I wouldn't have maybe found this niche that I am in where I help families going through turbulent times with divorce and such. So, you know, it's been a very impactful, you know, situation in my life that you helped me also through. But you help all manner of people. You address all manner of issues. I'm lucky in the sense that I haven't had any mental illness or other struggles of other kinds like addiction. But I know that you help even children as young as teenagers, I think.
Yeah, I work with Needle High School. And also this last year I also worked with elementary and I really enjoyed a lot.
I bet because you have a jovial personality. So your inner child is healthy. Yes. Which is great. I try, I try. Yes, yes, yes. And now that you say that, and I see that you had put your hands together, let's talk a little bit about your the name of your company, which is that life is beautiful. And I know that may seem for some people, it might seem like a very generic message or something that's probably too positive. But when and that's what I said, when I when you get to know you, when I when somebody ever sits with you, or even gets to know you outside of a session, they understand, I think, where that might be coming from, which is that you have a genuine love and appreciation for life and your life has not been perfect. It hasn't been perfect. You've had your share of loss and disconnection and disappointment. And you've also, if I may share, you've also been through a divorce earlier on in your life. So it's not like you've lived a picture perfect life. And so naturally you're happy.
I think the people that have gone through a lot and they have learned to survive are the people that are mostly very strong in the sense that they allow themselves to cry. They allow themselves to be in contact with their feelings. And that's what I call being strong. is to be in contact with how you're feeling. And in reference to the name of the company, I strongly believe that life can be beautiful. And no matter what is happening, you don't have to be happy because happy is satisfying. You have to be joyed. You have to find joy, joy in being grateful, joy in whatever God brings you, because there's always a learning experience. That's right. And, you know, I lost my my husband. He recently passed January 2021. And we worked together for 33 years. He had COVID. And it was something that was not expected. So it was very difficult. But I'm very grateful that I had the opportunity to meet him, to have a life with him, to have a daughter. And now I have a granddaughter. That's right. Just burn. She was born April 4th. So I did tiny little baby.
She's not even a month yet. Yeah.
And I would not change any of my experience. The hard ones, the beautiful one. I believe in love. I love that. I believe in having a partner, a life partner. I also believe that sometimes we think that with age you cannot live again or enjoy all kind of things. Yeah. because you think that it's over but then you fall in love and then you realize that it's like you're 16 again and you feel so wonderful and I think that if you allow yourself to open and to be open for love, life can be very easy. and very beautiful and learn to be grateful. If I going to give you an advice is be grateful, have goals, make sure that you have something for tomorrow and enjoy the present at the moment. Because if you concentrate on the moment at the present, then you are OK. Yeah. Then you feel good and you feel great. Because most of the time at the moment, nothing is happening. That's it. That is bad. That's right. I usually tell, OK, try to clap in the past. You can do it. I to do it in the future. You can't do it, but you can do it now as a friend and you can enjoy it. And it's like music.
That is such a great example. And it serves two purposes. One, to confirm what I was saying before, which is that you're really great at bringing very simplistic examples into the conversation. And this is just one of so many that I've been exposed to, which is you're right. It's something so simple, but if you try to clap in the past, you cannot do it because you cannot change the past. And you certainly can't go into the future to do it then. So you can only clap in the present, which is the only time that you have control to do anything, to change your perspective, to change your mind, to choose. you know, in the moment, how you want to feel, what you want to do or to make decisions or whatever the situation may be. But you can only do it here and now. You can only enjoy here and now. This is the only thing you have truly promised to you to live. What's what's what's gone is gone.
And it's very important that your beliefs, the concepts that you have, I have read a lot about all the books from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and I had an experience the moment that I had the heart attack that I was going through a tunnel that everybody talks about And I usually do meditation. I never felt that peaceful in my life. It was a very, very peaceful and you feel like you don't want to leave. You want to go through that light. But then my husband was in the lobby of the hospital with a lot of Italians because this was in Sicily. That's right. I was working in Sicily at that time. And I saw him going like this and his face right here. And then suddenly I woke up and all the machines were beeping. Like, you know, and I realized that I was dying. I was dying. So I believe that our loved ones, that we consider they're gone because we cannot touch them. They're around us. They are making sure that we feel great, that they can help us more without the physical, the body, because they are in another dimension. And that's something that I have learned that it helps a lot of the grief process. because usually feel like the person is gone, the physical, I don't see it. So you feel like you have a hole. But the reality is that you have the memory, you have everything that you leave with that person. You're grateful because you have that. And also knowing that you're surrounded by this all loving people that you had.
Yeah, it's a concept. It is a concept. And I want to go back now that you're talking about concept, I want to go back for a second to talk about mindset, because you mentioned that just a few minutes ago, when you're saying that, you know, we're talking about the past, the present and the future. And life can be beautiful, right? If we make that our purpose, right? So there's this quote that I love, that I try to live by, which is that, I neither win or lose. No, I'm sorry. I never lose. I either win or I learn. That's the quote. I never lose. I either win or I learn. So if you win, great, fantastic. I mean, that's where it ends. But if you don't win, you still have the ability in each and every situation to learn something from it. And learning can be just as powerful and just as fruitful if you choose to learn something from that. So again, and that only happens in the present moment. It's something that you have to be willing to accept that if it's only winning and nothing else, then you're never going to grow. You're never. I mean, and you're going to have a loss at some point in your life, you know, and things are not going to go your way. But that is that is critical, I think, to maintaining that mindset and having that that concept of what life can be for you. And somebody asked me, somebody that, you know, actually asked me one day, he said, what's the point? What do you think is the point? If we're all going to die and it could be tomorrow, it could be in 10 years, it could be in a hundred years. If that is the point, then why do we try so hard to grow and to learn? And I thought about it for a second and I said to him, There's a direct relationship between that and the experience we have in life, right? So the more we learn and the more we grow, the greater our experiences and the greater the relationships that we're bound to have with other people. Because if I don't learn and I don't grow, I can't expect to improve the relationship I have with my partner or my friends or my parents or my coworkers or anybody that I'm surrounded with, right? And if at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters and really creates our life and is really what our life is about, because it doesn't matter how much money you amass, at the end of the day, it's about your experience and how you experienced life, then yes, then learning and growing is a huge, and let's call it a critical aspect of your life, because without those things, your experiences wouldn't improve. And that's what I think therapy also helps you with.
Yeah, and you're so right, because what you mentioned you you need to learn from whatever experience be something nice it cannot be but you learn and also put love in your heart in whatever you do do it with love because that will make a huge difference in your goal and your achievement in in everything that surrounds you in the family, the friends, the people that you meet every day because you meet people. But if we give love and smile, show love. That's right. You you feel like recently I was in the hospital in the Mercy Hospital where my my daughter had the baby and I was leaving. after she had the baby and a person was coming and I was leaving and I was like, and the person looked at me like, is it okay? I said yes, I just had a granddaughter. I felt like I had to justify my happiness in my face, but in reality, We all can be that happy in any moment because it's joy. It's not that you need to be happy. The happiness outside is joy. Joy of being alive. Joy of having this connection that we have. Love is that what we're giving now. And it makes a huge difference. It does.
It smiles. Yes. It's true. And, you know, a lot of people try to think of like the little gimmicks, right? I know that things like that work. Like if you try to say, I'm angry when you're smiling, you can't you can't do those things because they can't coexist. You can't be angry and smile at the same time and say, I'm having a bad time and try to smile because your body just doesn't react to it. So people have all these little gimmicks and things like that. But the real gimmick, the real secret, let's say, is doing exactly that is harboring gratitude and joy in your heart, because with In the absence of that, of course, you let other kinds of things in. But if what you do is create those things for yourself in your heart, then you can't but be happy. You can't but give light. You can't but face hardships which are going to come. That's inevitable. We don't have control over everything and anyone. then when those hardships come your way, you can deal with them more gracefully and you can be, let's say, more resilient or you can then perhaps learn from that. Because it's not to say that you are joyful or let me rephrase that and correct me if I'm wrong, that you because you're joyful, you're going to be happy 100 percent of the time. That's not that's not realistic.
No, because the happiness is outside. Right. And but the joyful is, first of all, that you you believe. that you believe that God is giving you that opportunity to feel joy. Right. And also love, like I mentioned, love is very important. Being grateful is very important. Those things are like they need to go together.
Yeah, I agree.
I mean, sometimes we consider that because we have a partner that or we like someone and that person doesn't correspond or the combination is not the right one. But you need to learn to, like you said, learning. It doesn't match. Go, continue, let it go. and continue your trip, your travel, your journey. Yeah. Learning. I remember one person recently that I was in therapy with me. And she was saying that he was very, very good with his wife, ex wife, and his children. But his ex wife cheated on him. So she met him, but she knew his history. So she thought that it was going to be the same with her. And I was telling her something about chemistry, that if we have the hydrogen with water, with oxygen, it's water. And the hydrogen with oxygen is a marvelous thing. I mean, what is better than water? but the hydrogen with Clorox is an acid.
It's equally a chemical reaction, but it's a different one.
So sometimes we can find a person that is fantastic, someone else, and you expect that person to match the same with you. But it's not, that's not the reality. So sometimes We need to learn, learn, you need to learn that being joyful not necessarily has to be that it ends the way you want to end. It means that joyful means that you will continue your travel, your guide, your, your journey, In a, in a good way. Yeah. Love way. Yeah. Learn from the experience.
It's true. You say that thing about chemistry, and I recall in one of our earlier sessions that that is something that I had mentioned to you about chemistry. And you know, in life, we learn if we choose to. I learned exactly what that meant. Now, in full transparency, science was not my strong suit. I didn't like science very much. I thought it was very interesting, but for some reason, science was not my strong suit. So I had to work very hard in science to have an A, but My thing about it was, was this whole chemistry idea, right? You think that, and again, this is, this is different for everybody. Maybe what you want in your life is water. Mm hmm. Great. So maybe you meet, you know, person A, B and C and person A and B give you, I don't know, hydrochloric acid or they give you a bomb. And, you know, for someone else, that might be what they're looking for. But you're looking for H2O, you're looking for water and somebody else might be looking for a nuclear reaction. And so water is no good for them. And that doesn't mean that those people are bad people. On the contrary, we try. Sometimes we do that. Right. And I say we I don't necessarily include myself, but we demonize people and we look at them and we we start thinking very negatively about them. And we start, you know, almost giving them this whole characteristic of somebody that is bad. But there just may not be the chemical reaction you're looking for. But they may be very good people, very good human beings. They may have wonderful qualities that just don't mesh with yours, but that person could be nuclear with someone else. I mean, so this whole thing, I mean, everybody has a chemical reaction. I think what I'm trying to say is that everybody, you know, when two different chemicals interact with each other, they're going to create some form of chemical reaction. Exactly. It just depends on what reaction you need in your life, you want in your life. That's going to determine who you're going to pair up with or who it is that you want to seek or who or how you want to improve your relationship. Maybe it's just a matter of improving your relationship. Who knows? We're all so different and so alike in so many ways. And that's one of the things that I love about psychology and therapy is uncovering those things and covering the similarities and the differences. And I, like I said, and I can't say it enough, I've learned so much on my journey of just being with you and learning through you and being in therapy with you and developing this beautiful friendship that we have now. And our conversations are wonderful conversations we've had. I'm very proud of your journey. Thank you. Very proud. I've worked very hard, but I've loved every minute of it. I know that there have been some dark ones and dark moments, but I wouldn't be here without them. Exactly.
And I'm in a very good place right now. Thanks to those moments, that's who you are. Yeah, that's exactly right.
Yeah, that's exactly right. So I know that you are very well read and I love that because you often give me some great recommendations. In fact, I have a book that I have never read and it's sitting on my nightstand, but it's in a pile of books because I always want to read more than I actually get around to. But one of them is a book by Jorge Bucay, which is Cuentos Para Pensar, which the direct translation would be stories to make you think or, you know, things to think about through stories. I'm assuming there is an English version to that. There has to be.
uh, all kind of translation to different languages.
There has to be. Yeah.
I love the way he writes. He's great. Now he's starting to write, um, in the, um, and Facebook. Really? Yes. And I found it and I say, Oh my God. I have, I had an experience. The first time I went to. Mm. I went to a bookstore, and I look up and I found all his collection, his collection. And I started to cry. I was so happy, so happy.
He has some interesting stories, some great. I mean, just the title of that book is very telling. Cuentos para pensar. When you read those excerpts and those short stories that he comes up with, they do exactly that. They are food for thought. They're literally just seeds that you can ingest and let them grow in your mind for you to come up with a new idea.
There is one story that I love. And it's about two monks that are going to cross a river. And when they're going, they find a young woman that wants to cross the river because her mother is on the other side and is sick. But she had tried to cross it and she couldn't because the river was very strong. So she asked the monks to take her through and pass the river. And one of the monks said, we cannot be in contact with a woman, so we can't do it. And then the other one told her, come in, I'll take you through. So he took her through the river, and she left. She said thank you and left. So they both continued walking, walking, walking and around one hour after the monk that said that they couldn't do it told the other monk, why do you carry that woman? You know we cannot do that. That's not allowed. And the monk said, well I carry her through the river. But what are you doing carrying her still?
Exactly. Exactly. That's the kind of exactly. So for anyone who didn't understand that story, He just carried her physically across the river and helped her and possibly saved her life and gave her life by allowing her to get, you know, to her mother, while the other one is still thinking about her and still carrying that burden in his consciousness because he just can't get over the fact that the other monk did something that he wouldn't do. Right. And that's the kind of story. And I love that. Those are the kinds of stories that you give me in therapy too. And I'm sure you give it to your other patients. That's the kind of story that gets the wheels turning and the ones that get you to realize things and see things from different perspective or to give you closure or to help you realize how things might actually be when you're, you know, just stubbornly thinking about it in another way. And that's where you get stuck. I love his stories. And I hate the fact that that book is still sitting on my nightstand and I haven't read it yet because I like him. I you've introduced him to our therapy sessions time and time again. And I love each and every one of his stories. And I know, you know, a lot of them because you share them all the time.
I have all my all his books. I have it. I love them once in a while again and again, because they're so helpful. and they keep you refreshed. Yeah. a different way of thinking. Yes. Yeah. I love that.
I love that. I love that. And I bought it in Spanish because I wanted to to read them in Spanish because I feel that it's, you know, it's a better effect. That's the primary language and I read it. So so I'm going to I'm going to you know what I'm going to when we're done with this podcast, I'm going to go get that book and I'm going to put it on the top of the pile and I'm going to take it with me on my next vacation, which is coming up shortly so I can read it on the airplane. Yes. Because, you know, you forget, unfortunately you forget. And a lot of times, and I guess we can close with this, a lot of times we think that we really should only seek therapy when we're in crisis. But the truth is that while that can absolutely be a necessity, right? If you're in crisis, you shouldn't be left alone or you shouldn't ask the wrong people for help or advice. You should seek somebody who's experienced and somebody like you to help you through those issues. But we all carry a lot of baggage and a lot of things from our life. And sometimes we're just feeling a little down or sometimes you're feeling a little confused and you think that that's not grounds enough to seek help. But it could be just the right time before something gets worse or before you make decisions coming from the wrong place. It's, I think, a good idea to every now and again, touch on that and open up lines of communication with somebody that you trust like you to have, yeah, to have those conversations and see what you might be able to clear out and what new perspectives you're able to gain to help you, like you said, continue on in that journey. I don't know anybody, honestly, anybody on the planet who wouldn't want a helping hand on a journey, on a tough journey, because that's what life is. It's a tough journey. It's not a straight line. We all need it. So if somebody is offering you a helping hand, why wouldn't you take it? That's an opportunity. Take it. Like it's like giving you a bottle of water on your journey and you're hot and thirsty. You're going to get hot and thirsty. It's like giving you a bottle of water. Why wouldn't you take it? I would encourage everyone to consider that. Thank you for having me. I loved having you. I'm looking at you and I'm just over the moon. I can't wait to see you again.
If anybody needs to contact me, they can contact me at the phone number is 305-962-3685. Yes. And also, I think my web page, if I recall right.
What is the new one? I don't think I have it here. Do you have it? I do not actually. I'm looking through it here and I don't know why I didn't save it. Actually, I might have it. Let me see.
It's life is beautiful, but it's something in the front.
Oh, I see. Okay. Hold on. Let me see if I can pull it up here real quick. So it should be. No, it's not giving it to me, but that's okay. What I can do is I can make sure we find it. And when this goes live, I'll make sure that it's tagged on the podcast information so that people can find you. Cause I think that is important.
Yeah, I have, I have here.
But yeah, we will talk about. Do you want to repeat your phone number? It's 305-962-3685. That's it. 305-962-3685 for anybody taking that down. And of course, anyone, if you didn't get that number, you can always reach out to me and I'm more than happy to send you all of Reina's contact information so you can reach out to her and make sure that you connect at some point. And I highly encourage you to do that. I mean, everybody, I know that you have to connect with your therapist. That's something that's also very important. You should never be doing therapy with somebody that you don't get along with or someone that you have certain reservations about. That is very important too. But I promise you, there are very few people with a gift like Reina's. I've never felt safer, more loved, more understood. more listened to, um, and more supported than ever with you. So I highly recommend you, um, I've never had a problem doing that. So, so anybody who ever asks, I always recommend, and I look forward to seeing you very soon. And I hope that other people are able to tune in and benefit from you and your counseling as much as I have.
Thank you. Thank you very much for having me.
It's been my pleasure. Of course. Love you.
Bye.
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